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17 January, 2013

ROAD TRIP

I put myself to bed at 1:30am and pulled myself out again at 5:30am to set off on the 12 hour drive home to Brisbane from Sydney. When something is that good and fun, like the conversation with my Sister that evening, I don’t like to leave until we’ve exhausted that special time and space. And it took a while.

Feeling responsible, probably as she’s older, my three alarms must have alarmed her and there she was standing in my doorway with a bottle of cold mineral water. “Here, drink this, it’ll refresh you.”

So I did. A first in my life. I sculled a bottle of mineral water for breakfast. I shook my head and smiled “You are as mad as I am!” It bubbled me out of bed and into my clothes so it seemed to work.

“Are you sure you can do that drive by yourself?” she asked. Responsible and now worried. I was excited. “12 hours in the car driving by myself, Sis....it’s a playground!” Knowing me all too well she laughed out loud, "No doubt it is! Be careful. And watch your circadian rhythm!!" I thought she was talking about an insect plague and thought that was a ridiculous prospect.

I loaded up the car full of xmas presents, favours and baggage and my goodbye out the car window quivered in envy. After her energetic pyjama-clad wave off, my older sister would be herded up by her dogs and returning to bed.

Leaving Sydney is always hard. I grew up there and my family live there. And I think it is one of the most beautiful cities in the world. The sunrise on the horizon was a timely distraction from the heartache. I spent the first few hours in silence taking in the early birds, the grey dawn and possibilities of a new day. That was only two down though with ten to go. I was in need of a good challenge.

So this is what I decided upon.

Rather than think or reflect about the same things I had already spent time on, a ton of time on, over and over and over again on, I wanted new thoughts. New feelings. I wanted to invent new perspective.

Interaction kills me with curiosity. What’s going on in the weather, in the leaves on the trees, between the birds, in the rivers, the clouds. It’s so subtle and precise. I love the movement of it all. And now I was driving alone through it. Everything we see is made up of only 118 known elements. I’m no expert in Chemistry, but I try to understand it and 118 doesn’t seem like a lot when you consider the clever variation in matter. How did all those elements come into existence and then bind together? I guess it comes down to stars, charge, opposites and balance again through Devine Design, but this time I considered what that would FEEL like? These Fusion and Binding Processes.

Perhaps Passion? Loving and believing in something so much that it sends you on a relentless search, through love and loss, success and failure and you just keep looking with the supreme Faith you’ll find it, fuse it, bind it, build it. Or surely you wouldn’t feel the way you do? That ache, that gut feeling.

I suppose I was driving along trying to get a grip on my Emotion. All that movement I experience and why so much and for so long at times? It is the most powerful force to experience and to witness in other people. Sure, sometimes it gets a little crazy and out of control and messes things up and you’re certainly a dead stump without it, but in the right amounts at exactly the right time, and this takes awareness, it shapes people and events like nothing else I know.

Back to Chemistry again.

Elements interact and bind into compounds through attractive and repulsive forces between Electrons and Protons. Electric charges. The only natural electric charge I get as a human is with Emotion. “Is it one of the same?” I pondered while overtaking a caravan. The charge and movement of an Electron/ Proton and our Emotions?

Emotion is true Gold. It gets you going, it moves you, whether to tears or to laughter or to love or to action. It’s what helps you interact with other Emotionally charged people and you form bonds. Some break and dissolve, some break and get stronger.

In Chemistry, a bond takes place between two or more atoms. (Or two or more people in our case). There are two extreme types: Covalent bonding (sharing electrons ) and Ionic Bonding (losing and gaining electrons). In terms of relationships, integrity and enduring time, covalent bonding seems to me to be the best.

Shared Emotion.

It was starting to make sense to me and I hadn’t even stopped for a real breakfast or coffee yet. A 50km/hr speed zone had me crawling through the tiny town of Buhledulah. Slow enough for me to read a chalkboard sign “REAL COFFEE and BREAKFAST”. So I trusted them and ordered a triple shot latte and toasted Cheese and Tomato sandwich. Admirable effort. Turned out to be one of the best on the East Coast and I would pull over again.

Back on the road and I was ready to inject music into my trip. There is one piece of music that stirs me every time I hear it and over many years now. “Chevaliers De Sangreal” by Hans Zimmer, from the Da Vinci Code soundtrack. The growing intensity of the piece takes my emotions with it and my world, whatever it is at the time. I could be in an act of intimacy or cooking, jogging,, reflecting, reading or writing and everything intensifies with the journey of each note, each pause and every harmony. The Road Trip was no exception.

A sip of coffee and I spotted an airplane against the blue sky backdrop that made me grin “Look at that big, clumsy thing up there. My mind is so much quicker and agile!” Happily cruising through time and across land, it felt inspiring to know I was Human and had a brain.

Eight hours up the track and I was driving alongside a river in Northern NSW, one of my favourite strips to travel along and the water view was as refreshing as my Sisters 5:30am fizzy offering. So it was easy to think about water. The Mighty H2O. Covering 70% of the earth. Taking up 75% of space in our bodies. Magnificent Water. I’m a proud Scorpio.

At one point, I wondered how long it took Oxygen to bind with Hydrogen in the Universe. Even better, two Hydrogens! Maybe Oxygen had a bunch of wrong turns, bad bumps and set backs. Maybe it hit something other than Hydrogen, bonded and could have stayed the course. It wasn’t the miracle of Water though? Lucky it didn’t settle or life or humans wouldn’t have existed at all. The bond that constitutes water is strong enough to make all the peculiar properties that prove it vital to existence.

This inspired me to keep going through life with Passion, no matter what happens, what direction you take, forwards or backwards. Just motor on and trust your Emotion. Trust your Charge. It’s the truest thing we’ll ever know. Strive to be something more than ourselves, something as integral to life as Water itself. That’s a good reason for living and breathing.

While I’m here, I have always wanted to use the Fibonacci Sequence in a journal. I think it is the ants pants in nature. Spectacular Math. The Math of unique Structures and world defining Movements. An example is the pure emotion of 1 person, then another. Compounding energy. 0,1,1,2,3,5,8, 13, 21 etc. The next number is the result and impact of the last 2. So every person matters and contributes. Humans struggle to believe and work together like this though, for one reason or another.

Nature is numbers and genius and we can utilize it to make a better world and erase all the old man-made patterns of destruction, inequality and abuse etc. All it takes is an understanding of Nature, further exploration and discovery in Science, the expressive and generative capabilities of Arts and Sport and the wisdom of the Humanities. That’s my take on it, for now.

For so long I have been looking for a purpose for this heart, this core that aches, this mind that never rests, all the beautiful Emotion floating around this planet. A reason for lives passed, a purpose for lives to come and I feel like I’m clossing in on it. Is it to fuse together a beautiful core that can’t be destroyed? Is it to think and feel and generate emotion that interacts and binds? Is it to build relationship structures that are as essential to life as Water.

That was my final explorative thought as the Brisbane City lights came into view around a bend on the Freeway. I was still wired from this new perspective and felt like driving around Australia!

It reminded me of a flight between Tokyo and Sydney years ago with the Australian Softball Team. It was an empty 747, except for our team and a few others so we had full run of the big winged ship. Our call to arms was “Bar down the back, Milk Bar up the front!” A few drinks here, a few drinks there and we all got a little ‘tickety-boo’. After 9 hours in the air we were told to return to our seats and buckle up for landing in Sydney. That announcement was more devastating to us than an Emergency. We wanted that Qantas plane to do another loop up to Tokyo.

Even after all these years, I still don’t like to leave a special time and space until I’ve exhausted every Emotional resource available. And with the wisdom of Chemistry, Hydrogen and Oxygen, I hope I know or feel when it’s time to move on with my search. After all, the Universe took billions of years to evolve into its brilliant self. Evolving as a Human takes time too. However, we only have a speck of time on the Universal scale.

Another good reason for living and breathing.