05 February, 2013


My house looks like a jungle and my Lhasa Apso’s mimic miniature Lions pawing through the prairie on their morning adventure around the backyard. Their furry faces rounded like manes. Their roar, when they can be bothered, is deep and resonating too. Weeds are knee high out the front, swaying in the breeze, boasting summer growth speed to the neighbours. My eyebrows need shaping, hairy legs need shaving and I’m even thinking about chopping off my locks. I’m not sure if we need groomers or sculptor’s around here, just someone to tidy us all up. I have been absent, in more ways than one, for a little while now.

But I’m back and today is SUNDAY! My most favored day for writing. My secret place of Worship. To accompany me through the next few hours, I’m listening to the music of Rachel Portman. A happy piece at the moment called “Sisterhood”, which makes me want to stretch my hand out across the room, across the blue sky, across the ocean until it reaches anyone who’d like to dance with me around my kitchen.

Finishing my Softball Career was always going to be tough. I had no idea just how tough as it turned into one of the biggest battles of my life. Writing and Music saved me, as did my exploration of love and my trek through the intricate terrain of Science, Nature and the Universe. And of course, all the amazing people and magic events who inspired and propelled me through this difficult time and space. You had me mud-stuck, you had me flying, you created a magnificent Spectrum and I get to feel my way up and down all of it. What a wonderful gift. It has nearly sent me crazy though, but how thrilling that I'm actually close to it!

There have been pieces of writing that haven’t made these journals and may find a home somewhere else and if I’m true to my advocacy on human and emotional evolution, then I think I’d like this journal to be the last of its kind. So I’m going to go out with an Explosion...

I’d like to explore how to become a GOLD HUMAN BEING.

I am concerned with the modern day pace of life and how fast everything and everyone is getting. Technology is largely responsible with information and experiences becoming instant. If we think it is fast, quick, convenient and easy now, wait until Nanotechnology hits Full Flight? Heroic efforts hsve been made to understand the genius of nature and the Universe and this knowledge and subsequent inventions are mind blowing to us, but from all I can tell, this knowledge is only used for Technology and not on Humanity. So I need to tell you why it concerns me so much.

There is one class that I missed out on in school and in University. Most of us have missed it actually, for centuries. The Birth and Death of Stars 101. Stars featured in an earlier journal of mine, “The Olympism of Softball” but a recent collapse had me gazing up above for guidance again.

These gems of the Universe have been feverishly burning up in cycles of collapse and rebirth providing us with the gift of light since the beginning of time. Each pocket of shine up there is a Divine lesson on how to live a Valuable life. Contrary to what modern life promotes, there are no shortcuts, quick fixes, conveniences, easy roads to illumination. To shine, we must burn up too. Burn up in passion, burn up in love, burn up in persistence, burn up in hope, burn up in loss, burn up in failure. To generate that much density and heat and light, we need to spend time on things, think and reflect, care, explore, create. Be patient so things intensify until they are about to burst. This release of energy and emotion will bind our world together into one that emulates the Wonders of our Universe.

GOLD is one of the heaviest and rarest elements in the Universe, which is probably why it is so expensive down here on earth. It is rare because it is fused together in one of the hottest, final stages of a giant stars existence. It takes a long, long, long time. The conditions needed to fuse GOLD together are extremely hot and dense. We should try to imagine what it would take for a human being to generate these same conditions throughout their life. This is possibly the most romantic thought I have ever had!


So to reach this status of GOLD, we are going to have to burn up feverishly, take chances, live, dream madly, be successful and understand there will be collapse. We’ll fail and bomb out along the way. What's left over inside us is what we have to use in our fight to shine once more. With each shine, collapse and fight, we get closer to this rare GOLD existence.

A star does not have a choice whether it wants to shine, collapse or fight again. That’s what it does naturally by Devine Design. We have a brain and therefore, choice. If Stars had a brain, I’d imagine they’d experience our Spectrum of Emotions too. If we are inspired by Devine direction, then we should choose to live like the Stars that shine above us each night and day of our lives. We have a life cycle, like a Star, like our Sun. We will eventually die too. And here is my second most romantic thought ever. When we do die, I hope it’s like a Human Supernova. The point where everything we have fused together in our lifetime, our Spirit, fires out across space, forming a magical cloud, a nebula, the dust upon which new stars emerge.

Our Time on this earth is so precious and how we live does matter.

Scientists explain existence as the “Arrow of Time” heading in one direction. A sequence of events, one step after the other, tick, tick, tick, forward, into the future with no reverse button. It’s this “Arrow of Time” building change upon change that drives Evolution and this sounds exciting to me. But then I learned that central to the “Arrow of Time” is something not so exciting. DECAY.

I have a problem with DECAY and permanent change. I can’t stop it!

Everything I have ever owned has faded, cracked, bent, twisted, broke down or eroded. Everything from shoes, to cars, to clothes. to watches and sunglasses, to softball gloves, caps, jewellery, kettles, toasters, TV’s, shower heads, pots, fences, pavers and of course, my 42 year old body. A slightly depressing thought as I handed over the cash for another new computer!

The fundamental truth is, given enough time, everything we see is subject to decay - from the biggest skyscraper to the Sydney Harbour Bridge to a tiny pair of earrings. I thought about this for a long time. It triggered off pulses of existential dread at first until I considered inevitable decay against our feelings and emotions. I guess some are susceptible to the slow, subtle chipping away by the tick of time itself but I also realized some escape the Arrow of Time completely. These are our true, powerful feelings and emotions. I know because these have been alive in me for a long, long time and there is not one dot of decay on them.

So I have discovered one more reason for this mind that never rests and this core that aches. One more reminder to stay vigilant with our rapid technological progress.

I like to feel It’s time for Humans to move into a new era, the AGE OF THE STARS! Scientists call this the Stelliferous Era - an Age of astonishing beauty and complexity!

Once we learn to live like Stars, then let’s rip into technology and science and improve life around us. For now, let’s appreciate how fast we are but let’s improve the life inside us first. If we don’t catch up to Technology, Divine direction will have no chance.

The Miracle of Feelings and Emotions is when they are strong, intense, patient and true, they can defy the Arrow of Time! It’s the only thing I know of in our Universe that has a chance of beating it. And that’s a powerful note to conclude this Journey of Journals... on a Miracle.

And now for one more dance around my kitchen...

[This journal is dedicated to my stepfather, John Flynn, whose cloud of dust is currently swirling around the Universe. There is no game plan for playing the role of a Stepfather and I’d imagine it’s a tough job but Johnny came close to designing one in his lifetime. A beautiful man who will make beautiful Stars...

LATE MAIL:“A human being is part of the whole called by us 'Universe', a part limited in time and space. We experience ourselves, our thoughts and feelings as something separate from the rest. A kind of optical delusion of consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from the prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty. The true value of a human being is determined by the measure and the sense in which they have obtained liberation from the self. We shall require a substantially new manner of thinking if humanity is to survive.”

- Einstein, 1954.